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The legendary fraternity that defied Webster University (a very non-Greek school) first assembled in the heat of the late summer of 1996, on Maria Hall's first floor. Those who survived the Gorlokoly new student orientation program, and emerged from their rooms on the sultry eve of August 25, 1996, bore witness to the motley crew leaning against the walls of the hall. Several members credited their origins as "a shit-town in Illinois", while others hailed from Michigan, Minnesota, Kansas, Nebraska and other areas. Still others hadn't ventured too far from their stomping grounds in the 'burbs of St. Louis. At any rate, these twenty-six individuals were resigned to spend the rest of the school year, for better or for worse, in each others' company. As the story unfolds, you, gentle reader, will learn that several original members didn't make it all the way. For the first eight weeks of the school year--leading up to the blissful Fall Break, whereupon each member would retreat back to their homes as quickly as possible--everyone worked on settling in. During the first couple of weeks, several members proactively decided to make the best of the time, and to live as though they were at a "real college". Testosterone Films Unlimited (TFU) was the result. THE TESTOSTERONE FLOOR What began with an impromptu screening of "Pulp Fiction" in the lobby outside the cafeteria during Orientation weekend quickly mushroomed into a regular occurrence. Classes were still light in content (except for the Conservatory students), allowing for virtually everyone to drop what they were doing on their Tuesday night, and catch a movie in the lobby. Ryan Hanlon (Maria 151) provided his VHS copy of "National Lampoon's Animal House" as the inaugural movie. This was a DIY manual of how college should be, and John Belushi's frat-house tomfoolery was lost on no one. But how to get this started? Read on... The following week, on Tuesday, September 3, 1996, TFU broke dorm-room lobby attendance records with the screening of "The Breakfast Club". Over 100 people turned out to hear Emilio Estevez shut down Judd Nelson's cannabinical activity: "Listen, wastoid, you're not blazin' up in here." The next week, on September 10, "Better Off Dead" was screened. Later that week, several of the boys had planned to see Dave Matthews at Riverport, but bassist Stefan Lessard's wife was in a car accident which killed her unborn child. The following week, on Tuesday, September 17, those present in the lobby watched "Fast Times At Ridgemont High". Testosterone floor dweller Paul Nadjmabadi (Maria 152) celebrated his 20th birthday that day. And, co-"founding father" Charlie Ratzer (Maria 156) was forced to miss the screening due to a hot date with a girl named Elise. A DESERT ISLAND: DRY ON THE SURFACE, BUT WET UNDERNEATH... On Friday, September 20, 1996, several members took advantage of an absence of afternoon classes to procure a keg of beer, to be served up later at Tim Hook's house, in the Webster Village. These houses no longer exist, and were all in fact evacuated before the end of the '96-'97 academic year, but served as the closest thing to frat houses that the school offered. Webster Village RA Thomas Verstoppen seemed either deliberately naïve, or genuinely aloof, toward Craig Schuster's Country Squire station wagon, suspiciously backed up to the walkout entrance of Hook's Village house. Perhaps he chose to look the other way as two gents clumsily hustled the keg from the car to the basement, where it sat until the party's kickoff. It was during this party that Katie Martin (Maria 257), a self-proclaimed teetotaler, arrived in a floral print shirt, having already been indoctrinated into the ways of imbibing, and was greeted with thunderous applause and a complimentary first cup of beer. SPORTS Since Webster was a Division III school (and a relatively lousy one), when it came to football, it was every man for himself. Since the football field across the street at Webster Groves High School was typically unpopulated, games would spontaneously be announced, and would commence somewhere around dinnertime. These were not typical football games, however.... One particular game found resident alien Rich Borchardt in a traditionally whiny mood. Always defensive of his own beliefs to the point of belligerence, he found himself facing off against Droge. When Rich's arms went high towards Droge's head--commonly called clipping--Hanlon called him on it. Rich insisted that what he'd done was not clipping. Hanlon responded by playing against Rich on the next play. Rich came at him aggressively, and Hanlon reacted by kicking him in the shins. During the next play, Hanlon's reaction found his elbow in Rich's gut. This was enough to send Rich off the field, and when Hanlon returned to Maria 151 later on, he found a photocopied definition of the word "clipping" taped to his door. The definition was, of course, taken out of context, a feeble attempt to support Rich's argument. SIXTY-FOUR BITS Sometime near the beginning of October, Matt Edelstein scored a piece of hot property in a stroke of unusually good luck. Whilst browsing through Sears, he got his hands on a Nintendo 64, which had already broken major ground as the next big thing in the video gaming world. The residents of Maria Hall were clearly not prepared for what Ed pulled out of the box that fateful day. Several members, including next-door neighbor Pete-Droge, fell victim to the addiction of video games, and found themselves meandering their way beyond the paintings of "Super Mario 64" in a state of catatonic drive. Ed often found himself displaced by strange folks who wandered intentionally into his room, and felt used as they eschewed conversation, exchanging it for the controller. "Super Mario 64" kept the citizens of Maria Hall quite happy for quite some time. Ed also was in possession of a great, classic music collection, and, when the preschool tinkling of the video game's soundtrack proved monotonous, it was often replaced by the brand-new Beatles Anthologies, Peter Gabriel, Depeche Mode, or Ed's favorite, U2. THE EXCURSIONS Who can forget the day when several first-floor guys piled into Brud and Hanlon' room, played a few games of "Contra" on the NES, and watched Tim Burton's "Batman"? Afterwards, they went to the Homecoming Talent Show, where Ryan McCall performed James Taylor's "Up On The Roof" on the piano. Once McCall finished, Hanlon, Katie Martin, Ed, Hook, Droge, Beth Hagan, Aaron Likavec, and Charlie Ratzer and his dad drove out to Boschertown in St. Charles to do some good old-fashioned go-karting. It occurred to several members, at this point, that it had been some time since they were last behind the wheel. The landlocked state of Webster University began to sink in. Or the time Hanlon, Ed, Brud and Droge took a trip in Brudzinski's "shaggin' wagon" to the St. Louis riverfront, with hopes of taking a trip up in the Arch? As lines were prohibitively long, and the facility's closing time drawing near, the idea was abandoned in favor of dinner on the Riverboat McDonald's. At this point in time, Hanlon's frustration with Brud was reaching its apex, and it showed when Brud returned to the table, remarking, "I can't believe they gave me so much ketchup." Hanlon's response: "Ah...I can." MOVIN' ON UP The first of several personnel cuts came during the afternoon of Monday, October 14, 1996, when Ed returned to Maria 153 to find his estranged roommate James Parish playing his Nintendo 64. In a nutshell, Ed made it clear to James that things were not working out, and that changes would have to be made. Tim Hook, who had been living with trombonist Zac Danner in the adjoining and much older Loretto Hall, had been knighted an "honorary" member of the Testosterone floor some time earlier, and could be frequently found in any number of dorm rooms on the first floor of Maria Hall. With this change rapidly transacting, Ed made arrangements for Hook and Parish to swap locations. In the space of an afternoon, the technicalities were sorted out, Parish moved his belongings up to Zac's room, and Hook relocated to Maria 153. TAKE....TAKE ME HOME.....'CAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER During the later weeks of the first quarter, two words could calm anyone's nerves: Fall Break. By this point, the residents were resigned to eat Canteen's government-surplus cafeteria food (fried chicken on Monday, chicken sandwiches on Tuesday, chicken-fried steak on Wednesday, and cream chicken on Thursday...yeah right), and a bit of cabin fever was setting in. As soon as classes wrapped on Thursday or Friday (depending on the individual's schedule), their return to their own bed and free laundry was imminent. For one week, things were as they had always been. |
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